Cleaning Up The Augean Stables Of U.S. Politics

News Flash

Trump fixer Michael Cohen turns the tables on his old boss.

Takes the witness stand in the Stormy Daniels hush money case In New York.

There are many similarities between the story of Hercules and the Augean Stables and the story of Donald Trump and Attorney Michael Cohen.

That's why Michael Cohen's head has magically appeared on the body of Hercules in this tale.

If I'm remembering my Greek mythology correctly, Hercules was ordered to clean King Augeas' stables. They were the nastiest in all the land.

Hercules knew the job was going to be dirty and smelly.

Kind of like the job Michael Cohen had cleaning up The Donald's messes.

King Augeas owned more cattle at the time than anyone in Greece. He also owned thousands of goats in addition to all the horses he kept at the stables. At the end of any given day that's a lot of shit. The stables hadn't been cleaned in 30 years. Can you believe that. What kind of king doesn't clean his stables for 30 years.

And Hercules only had a day to clean it all up. Now from what I'm told, some said that Augeas was the son of a God. Other said he was the son of a mortal. But what they all agreed upon was that he was filthy rich. Kind of like someone else in this story. Only that guy owned tons of real estate, fancy hotels and apartment buildings instead of horses, cattle and goats. Although Donald Trump claims to be a self-made man, he inherited a ton of money from his father, who like King Augeas was also into real estate.

In return for cleaning out the stables, Hercules was promised a tenth of the king's fine cattle herd. The king never thought Hercules could pull off the job in a million years. But Hercules being Hercules pulled it off.

He dug wide trenches to two nearby rivers kind of like the Harlem River and the Hudson River in New York. Only I bet they were way less polluted that the Harlem and the Hudson.

Using his great strength, Hercules changed the course of the two rivers and flushed out the Augean stables. Kind of like when Michael Cohen used money from his own back account to pay off Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump paid him back claiming he was paying Michael for legal services rendered.

Now like most guys, I've always wanted to have sex with a pornstar. So I don't blame Donald for that.

Most folks don't know this, but Hercules was one of the guests at Michael Cohen's bar mitzvah. It was there at the bar mitzvah, that Hercules gave Cohen tips on how to handle messy situations someday when he became a lawyer.

Especially if the client was rich and ended up getting involved in a messy situation with a pornstar. Now to me the pornstar seems pretty smart. Pretty nice too. Way smarter and way nicer than King Donald.

And just like Donald Trump and Michael Cohen, Hercules and King Augeas ended up in court. Man the lawyers always find a way to make money. I wonder if they charged $350 an hour in Hercules' day.

Hercules called King Augeas' son to testify in court. The son testified that his dad had promised to pay Hercules for cleaning out the stables. I wonder who was Hercules' lawyer. I bet he was a good one. The judge ruled in Hercules favor. King Augeas was pissed, just like Donald Trump is going to be, if he's found guilty in New York.

In a rage, the king kicked his son and Hercules out of the kingdom. I bet King Donald has kicked Michael Cohen and Stormy Daniels out of his kingdom already.

Now as you can see from this story I'm not particularly intelligent. But it's my understanding that the term Augean stables means more than a place where horses are kept. It has come to mean a place that is extremely dirty and characterized by corruption and moral decay. Kind of like politics in the U.S. Your English teacher would say the expression Augean stables is idiomatic. He might use this example to explain.

The legacy of Donald Trump is marred by his refusal to clean out the Augean stables of his life.

As for Hercules, he's a bonafide hero in Greek mythology and the movies. Michael Cohen is no hero. Sometimes it just takes a sleaze to nail a sleaze.