Mr. Al and the Six-Seven

It’s the first day of the U.S. military action in Iran. Mr. Al goes to the Three Kegs Saloon to drown his sorrows. He meets a woman named Epic Fury.

Ms. Fury asks Mr. Al if he’d like to accompany her on a vacation to sunny Tehran. Mr. Al politely declines as he stares at her cleavage.

“But I hear the Strait of Hormuz is nice this time of year,” he tells her. “I always wanted to swim with the oil tankers.”

Unbeknownst to Mr. Al at the time of his seduction by Epic Fury, a historian in Rochester, New York, named Tom Dini, texts Mr. Al that from this day forward the Strait of Hormuz will be known as "The Sphincter of Hormuz."

Dini reasons that if Donald Trump can rename the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, he should be able to call his favorite waterway "The Sphincter of Hormuz."

While Mr. Al is having this conversation with Dini the historian, across the pond in United Kingdom, Kanye West is being barred from entering the UK. This means “Ye,” the name he prefers to be known by these days, won’t be able to headline London’s Wireless Festival.

Finding a good bipolar-juuuu-hating-preppy-dressing-cancelled-katrillionaire-rapper is easier than I thought it would be. I even got Ye  to agree to join the Israeli Defense Forces and cut a track called “I LUV THE IDF.” All of which goes to show that bipolar disorder is a real psychiatric condition.

Now a lot of people have been asking Mr. Al what his ties are with pedo-pervert Jeffrey Epstein.

“I have never been friends with that perv. I may have attended some parties with Epstein at the Las Vegas Rescue Mission. We travel in many of the same high society social circles after all. I fell off my barstool at the Three Kegs saloon one time and may have met him. But if I did, he was already passed out in a puddle of vomit on the floor.

“Epstein did not introduce me to Donald Trump. I never had any knowledge of Epstein’s activities until I heard about them on the news. These false smears about me from mean-spirited people need to stop. They are damaging my good name. Okay so I don’t have a good name. You caught me.”

To all of this, I say “six-seven.” What does six-seven mean? It is a nonsensical term used by middle school kids to confound grownups. It means nothing. Middle schoolers use the phrase to confuse teachers, their parents and other authority figures.

I am befuddled enough already. I don’t need kids adding to my befuddlement.

Dictionary.com dubbed six-seven the 2025 Word of the Year. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as the word of year. It was named the word of the year because of its huge influence on teenage social media like TIKTOK.

With all the abovementioned problems in the world, the last thing I need right now at the school where I work doing security, is some 13-year-old girl with too much makeup in a pushup bra with a vape in her pocket and lots of attitude asking me, “Mr. Al what’s 20 plus 20, plus 20 plus 10 plus 5 plus 2, minus 10” when I reply 67.

And she says, “Six-seven Mr. Al.” And I realize I’ve just been had.

Six-seven is all I have to say about the state of the world and my life.

There is a lot of brain-rot going on in the world. It's time for brain-rot to be listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. That's my bible. Can I get an amen?