A Joke For Folks Of All Political Perversions

What did the drunk say when Doug Emhoff walked into the bar?

"Hey buddy I bet I know who wears the pantsuits in your family."

"She sure does wear the pantsuits. You have no idea." Emhoff says.

"Hey let me buy you a shot and a beer," the drunk says. "You look like you had a rough day."

"Yeah it's been a rough year. Thanks."

"Do I know you," the drunk says. "I don't think I know you."

"Yeah you probably don't. I've never been in this place. I just stumbled in by accident."

"You mean you've never had a beer in Trumppy's," the drunk says. "I come here every day."

"That's the name of this place. Trumppy's. Talk about your irony of ironies. I just wandered in off the street. I had no idea."

"I have no idea what you're talking about buddy. Have a shot and a beer," the drunk says. "That's what I do. Every day at five. Like clockwork. My name's Cliff by the way. What's yours."

"Doug."

The two men shake hands.

"Nice to meet you Doug."

"Nice to meet you too."

"What you do for a living the drunk asks.

"I'm a lawyer," Doug says. "But don't hold it against me."

The whiskey and the beer is kicking in. Doug's starting to slur his words. Cliff always slurs his words.

"Let me guess," Doug says. "You're a mail man. Like Cliff on that famous TV show Cheers. The one set in the bar. And your name also happens to be Cliff. Who would of thunk it."

"How'd you guess I was a mail man," the drunk says.

"The uniform," Doug says.

Both men laugh. They're starting to get sloppy drunk.

"I got a confession to make," Doug says.

"I don't take confession. I deliver mail. That is, when I don't lose it. You'll have to see a priest to confess."

Both men laugh again.

"It's kind of weird being known as the first second gentleman in U.S. history," Doug says.

"I have no idea what that is," Cliff says. "I've never been married."

"You're lucky," Doug says.

"Hey bartender bring us another round."

"Hey bartender," Doug says. "I'm good. No more for me."

"C'mon stay. Have one more. Then go home to your wife. The one with all the pantsuits."

"My wife's name is Kamala. She's running for president. That's why she has all the pantsuits.

"Your wife's running for president," Cliff says. "What's her name again."

"Kamala Harris."

Cliff shouts out to everybody in the bar.

"Hey everybody Doug here says his wife is going to be president."

"You're drunk Cliff," a fat drunk at the end of the bar named Norm shouts.

"Ain't nobody in here has a wife that's running for president. I mean look at this place. It's a dump for losers."

Cliff is pissed when he hears this.

"Norm you're a killjoy."

Cliff turns back to Doug.

"What did you say your wife's name is."

"Kamala."

"Yeah I think I've heard of her. So when you said you were the first second gentleman in American history what did you mean."

"Well, right now my wife's vice president of the United States. So that makes me the first second gentleman in U.S. history."

"I still don't get it," Cliff says.

"Look. You know how they always call the president's wife the first lady," Doug says.

"Yeah. Okay I'm with you so far."

"Good," Doug says, "So I'm the husband. I'm only the husband. I'm not the one who's the leader of this great country of ours. And my wife is only the vice president. You know the number two person in charge. That makes me the second gentleman."

"You sure," Cliff says.

"Yeah I'm sure. Positive."

"Well, if you're sure. I'm sure."

"If she becomes president, then I'll be the first first gentlemen ever," Doug says.

"If you say so," Cliff says. "Sounds confusing. Hey Doug..."

"What's that."

"Now I have a confession to make," Cliff says.

"I'm Jewish. I don't take confession. Go find a priest."

Both men are so drunk they're laughing and slapping their hands on the bar. They're so drunk even the stale pretzels on the bar taste good.

"I don't vote or follow politics," Cliff says.

Doug's laughing hysterically.

"You're better off that way," Doug chortles.

Cliff raises his glass of beer and toasts Doug.

"Cheers my friend."