CeeDee Lamb Scores A Touchdown

     It’s Thanksgiving and we’re watching the Dallas Cowboys play the Kansas City Chiefs. It’s a great football game.

                My wife, Brenda, has made her famous arroz and gandules. Her grown son, Raydel, has turned the green beans into a culinary delight. The turkey is moist. Everything is perfect.

                The game is in the fourth quarter when the camera man captures a closeup of Dallas wide receiver CeeDee Lamb’s teeth. CeeDee has amazing toofers.

                “Look Al,” Alfred who is Raydel’s brother, commands me. “CeeDee Lamb has replaced both his canine teeth with diamonds. What do you think about that?”

                I have no idea what I think of CeeDee’s canines. I’m too busy stuffing my face with a slice of toffee apple pie with the crumble on top. I’ll have to floss before I go to bed tonight.

When you have diamonds for teeth do you still floss? Or do you have to use a Waterpik?

                Did CeeDee pick up the diamonds from the jewelry store on his way to the dentist? How does that work?

                From what I can tell from the TV, CeeDee has diamonds on his upper right canine and the tooth right behind it. Same thing on the left side of his mouth. Alfred is convinced CeeDee has replaced his canines with diamonds.

                So now, I’m doing a Google search on my cell phone as we watch the game. It says no one has ever replaced their actual teeth with diamonds. I think CeeDee probably had a huge diamond implanted in each tooth creating the illusion he replaced them entirely with diamonds. It’s good for his flamboyant superstar image.

                “You know Alfred I’d hate to have CeeDee Lamb’s dental bills. I don’t think insurance even begins to cover something like this.”

Alfred and Raydel have a sister named Bianca. She’s watching the game and joins the conversation.

                “Well, you know what they say.”

                “What’s that?”

                “Diamonds are forever,” Bianca says.

                So are dental bills. Whoever said dental work was expensive, wasn’t kidding.

                “You’re right,” I say. “Diamonds are forever. Just ask Secret Agent 007 James Bond. He was even in a movie called Diamonds Are Forever.”

                In the movie, the bad guys plan a huge diamond heist. They need the diamonds to build a space-based laser weapon to take over the world. They plan to shake down every country on Earth for fantastic sums of money. Hey, it’s good work if you can get it. But I don’t think CeeDee Lamb would ever do anything as dastardly as that.

                Diamonds are extremely hard, I wonder when you have diamond veneers, if they increase or decrease your chances of tooth decay?

The slogan “Diamonds Are Forever,” was written by a slick advertising copywriter for the De Beers Group, the giant of the diamond business. This saying is one of the most effective slogans of the 20^th Century.

                The slogan and society in general connect the enduring quality of diamonds with the concept of eternal love.

                Now I’m looking at CeeDee’s before and after pictures. He had a beautiful smile before the tooth gems.

                Those in the sporting life are famous for insuring body parts crucial to their identity. Strong safety Troy Polamalu supposedly insured his long flowing shoulder length hair for $1 million. And soccer great Lionel Messi reportedly insured his left foot for $900 million or so. I have two left feet. Maybe I should insure them for $2 billion.

                I wonder if CeeDee ever thought of insuring his diamond canines.

                The game is winding down now. The Cowboys are ahead 31 – 28.

                “I wonder if CeeDee flosses?”

                The question blurts from my mouth.

                “No,” Raydel says. “He has a personal flosser.”

                “Oh, you mean the way some people have a personal trainer?”

                “Yeah.”

                “Well, he can certainly afford one,” I comment. “The Cowboys gave him a 136-million-dollar contract. His agent should really get him an endorsement deal with Colgate or Crest.”