The Greatest Fight Ever

Hello everybody. Good evening and welcome to The White House.

We are here in this special 4,500-seat arena built on the lawn of The White House to bring you the fight of the century between Pope Leo and President Donald Trump. I’m your host Mauro Ranallo.

I’m joined here with our experts, fight analyst Max Kellerman and former boxing champion Andre Ward. Netflix is streaming this event live around the world.

Andre we go to you first. What are your thoughts about this fight?

“You can’t see because of his papal robe, but Pope Leo is in excellent condition for this fight. He’s from Chicago with stops in Peru and street tested.”

Max Kellerman you’re looking sharp in that tuxedo. How do you size up the fight?

"Donald Trump insulted Catholics when he criticized the Pope as weak on crime because of the pope’s criticism of the bloodshed over the U.S. military action in Iran.”

We’re joined via satellite feed by Ayatollah Mojtaba Khameni, the Supreme Leader of Iran. How are you sir?

“I am not dead, but should be.”

How do you see the fight Ayatollah Khameni?

“I hate Donald Trump and I hate Pope Leo. Death to the infidels. And I hate America.”

Thank you Ayatollah for those kind words. We have lots of celebrities here tonight for this big event. There’s ever present, ever gorgeous Kylie Jenner all-kissy-face with actor Timothee Chalamet. They’ve even brought out former President Richard Nixon even though he’s been dead since 1994.

Okay the fight’s starting. There’s an angry exchange of words between the contestants. President Trump is wearing a pair of American flag boxing shorts.

The president is shouting at the pope.

“You should stay out of politics and stick to religion.”

Pope Leo isn’t letting the remark go unanswered.

“I’ll pray for you. I just want world peace.”

The Pope is making the sign of the cross.

“I don’t need your prayers,” the president is shouting.

Whoa there’s a big right hand by Pope Leo. Donald Trump is down. Donald Trump is down just 20 seconds into this fight. This pope can really bang.

“Andre Ward here. Donald Trump’s jaw looks broken to me Mauro. Max what do you think?”

“I think you’re right Andre. President Trump is definitely going to need to get his jaw wired shut after this fight. Imagine Donald Trump not being able to talk for eight weeks."

No one can imagine that.

Pope Leo knocks out Donald Trump at the 20-second mark.

The crowd here has broken into a spontaneous rendition of “God Bless America.” Good night everybody. Hope you have enjoyed this exclusive Netflix presentation of The Fight of the Century between President Donald Trump and Pope Leo.

Alternative Ending For Donald Trump Supporters

Donald Trump has Pope Leo on the mat. The president has Pope Leo in a rear-naked choke hold. Donald Trump has just beaten Pope Leo. I just wish the president hadn’t taken off all his clothes even if he is the behemoth of American politics. Who knows? Maybe he saw the lovely Kylie Jenner ringside and got overly excited. We haven’t experienced anything this exciting since JFK took on the Russians and Nikita Krushchev. Good night everybody. And peace be with you.