Mr. Al Goes On A Year Ender Bender

            Welcome to Mr. Al’s first annual year ender bender. This a roundup of all the unimportant events of 2025. Kind of like an awards ceremony for the inconsequential.

Mr. Al’s Transgender Person of the Year is Sarah McBride. Sara with an "H" at the end of her name. formerly known as Tim, is congresswoman for the State of Delaware. God Delaware, home of the most famous Delawarean ever, Joe Biden, is such a great state.

            Conservatives feel free to insert your boos here. McBride is obviously a Democrat. Republicans wouldn’t touch her with a 39 and one half inch pole. And neither would I. Then again, I’m an independent.

            Mr. Al’s honorific comes with this caveat. If it gets stuck in her zipper (whatever it is), Speaker of The House Mike Johnson has to personally give McBride hands on help. McBride is the first openly transgender member of Congress.

            Now lots of people get worked up about stuff like this. I don’t. Instead, every week I go to that bar from the Star Wars movie. The one with the various creatures from across the galaxies.

I have no problem drinking with a guy with three heads. No problem spending the night with a woman with six breasts. But some people do.

            Nancy Mace, a Republican from South Carolina, wanted McBride to use the bathroom associated with her birth gender, the men’s room.

            My other caveat to this conversation is this. Congresswoman Mace has to help Speaker Johnson with the zipper as well.

            This is all I have to say today on the subject of transgenderism. Let’s move on to another topic.

            Mr. Al’s pick for role model of the year is HipHop mogul P Diddy.

            Diddy taught us all the importance of having an ample supply of baby oil on hand at all times in case you decide to have a last-minute orgy.

            The award for social media personality of the year goes to model and cosmetics mogul Kylie Jenner. Even if she dumped Mr. Al to go back with actor Timothee Chalamet. What a step down for Kylie to go from Mr. Al to that actor.

            Kylie’s parting words to Mr. Al will be remembered for eternity.

            “We’ll always have McDonald’s Mr. Al. Thanks for the Happy Meal.”

            The award for most creative use of technology goes to America’s inmates. The use of drones to deliver drugs to prison yards everywhere has improved the lives of inmates across this great nation of ours.

The prize for most unique new form of transportation goes to the creators of the robotaxi.

            I ordered a robotaxi the other morning when my car wouldn’t start. When the taxi showed up, I cancelled the ride. I was too chicken to get in.

            I like it better when my driver comes with a pulse. Even if he’s Michael Myers from the Halloween movies. You know who Michael Myers is. The silent guy with the big knife who escapes from a mental institution to stalk and murder people.

            All I can say is, Tis a brave man or woman who gets in a robocab without a diaper.

            My last award is for the most embarrassing moment of the year.

It goes to that guy and gal who got caught on the stadium jumbotron in warm, loving embrace at a Coldplay concert. I've always said Coldplay is a great band.

  Who wudda thunk it could even be? A moment on the kiss-cam and all hell breaks loose.

A kiss-cam catastrophe.

They both lose their jobs over the embrace. Pat Benatar was right. Love is a battlefield. They would have been better off giving each other an STD.

            On a personal note, my advice is never take your insignificant other to a public event that has a jumbotron. And absolutely duck when they focus the kiss-cam on you.

            There you have it folks…a roundup of Mr. Al’s top news events of 2025. As the great Wayne Newton once said… Danke Shoen. Thank you very much. From me and mine to you and yours…Happy Holidays.