Mr. Al's Pick For 2026 Woman Of The Year

Mr. Al’s pick for 2026 Woman of the Year is Congressional Representative Ilhan Omar. Hey, the new year is just upon us. But Ilhan is doing such a great job, I’m going to give her the award early.

                You know how you spell commitment. H-y-p-o-c-r-i-s-y. Keep up the good work Ilhan. Minnesota loves you. And I do too. Did you know that the state bird of Minnesota is the mosquito. Maybe the people of Minnesota suffer from some yet to be discovered mosquito borne disease. I mean someone had to vote her in.

                Anyone who goes along with her husband from not much to a combined net worth in the many millions has my eternal admiration. Since 2023, their net worth has gone up like 3,500 percent. Some people are just brilliant and lucky at the same time. Just not you and me.

                Ilhan’s husband is Tim Mynett. He used to be a political consultant. He helped get Ilhan elected. There’s that word. Political. Don’t you love that word. In 2023 Tim’s company, Rose Lake Capital was valued at less than $1,000. It’s now worth millions.

Ilhan says she hasn’t got rich in public office. And I believe her. She would never lie like I did last night. I told my wife the thistle salad she made for dinner was the best I ever had.

                Ilhan’s a politician. Politicians never lie. Period. Ilhan and Tim’s good fortune happens to accidentally coincide with all those federal aid scams around Minneapolis involving part of the Somali community. I would never call Minnesota’s large Somalian community “garbage” like President Trump did.

                Right about now I bet all of you are going, what happened to you Mr. Al? You used to be so tolerant of other people. You were a liberal. In the interest of full disclosure, all I can say is I’ll make fun of anyone for a laugh. That’s how shallow I am. I love Ilhan. Ilhan’s a progressive who was part of the great Somalian diaspora. In her red lipstick and that hijab she wears, she’s as hot as Kylie Jenner and just as fashionable.

If I’m going to make fun of Donald Trump which I love to do, I’m going to make fun of Ilhan, because she’s also deserving of laughs. It's only fair.

                Now some folks say I suffer from IDS. Ilhan Derangement Syndrome. It’s like IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome which has nothing to do with TDS. Trump Derangement Syndrome. What do you think?

                Look if Ilhan and Tim have benefitted from their political connections and/or all the fraud going on in Minnesota, I would love a cut.

                Have a healthy and prosperous 2026 everyone. May you can be as fortunate as Ilhan and Tim. May you use all your connections to help your fellow Americans and get lucky at the same time.

                That’s what happened to me. I went from being broke to being a thousand-aire. That’s right I have a thousand dollars in my checking account. I can hardly count it all. With the right breaks and a little business acumen, it could happen to you.

                Now The Ilhan says she is anything but rich. She says she still owes thousands on her student loans. Didn’t she talk to Joe Biden when she was elected? He could have taken care of that for Ilhan. Student loan forgiveness was his thing. Or maybe she’s waiting for The Donald to grant her student loan forgiveness. Listen to me Ilhan. The Donald isn’t going to do that for you.

You know Ilhan, if you and your husband did something shady to enrich yourselves, good job. Maybe you'll go on to bigger and better things like prison as well as the political compost heap. Afterall, you’re a proponent of progressive environmental policies and climate action. And all progressives endorse composting.

                Ilhan if I lived in Minnesota, I’d be a big supporter of global warming. Do you know how cold Minnesota is in February? It’s colder than a clerk’s smile at the Adult Superstore on a Tuesday night. Believe me, I know. I’ve been to both places.

                A couple of years back, I saw the Tom Hanks movie “Captain Phillips.” I knew I loved Somalians the moment I saw that flick. The movie is about a group of desperate Somalian pirates who take over a container ship carrying valuable cargo. Liberals saw it as a movie about global economic disparity. Maybe it was. Maybe it was about something else. I thought it was a modern-day pirate story.  I mean who doesn’t like a good pirate story for crying out loud. Yo-ho, yo-ho… a pirate’s life for me. I always wanted to be a pirate. Even dressed up as a pirate for Halloween as a kid.  And as an adult, I loved all those Pirates of the Caribbean movies with Johnny Depp. Not to mention the ride at Disneyland on which the movies were based.

                Unlike a real pirate, I don’t think Ilhan drinks rum. She probably doesn’t even sing about rum like a real pirate. Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum. Not officially anyway.

                Now The Ilhan would never hijack a cargo ship, and neither would her husband. Who needs to? Just get yourself elected to Capitol Hill like Ilhan did.

                If you don’t like Ilhan, I say damn you to hell. She’s made herself part of the global economy.

                It’s for this reason and all the other above reasons that Ilhan Omar is Mr. Al’s pick for 2026 Woman of the Year.

And lastly because Ilhan is such a big supporter of the Jewish people and the government of Israel, Mr. Al is going to throw in a free trip to Gaza for Ilhan to go along with her Woman of the Year Award.