Thank You Lee Greenwood

My friend Pat is a conservative. My friend Geoff is a liberal. My friend Walt calls himself a communitarian.

A communitarian, Walt tells me believes the community should be treated as an agent equal in any ethical decision to other parties (like yourself or your neighbor). He isn’t liberal or conservative. A communitarian is practical. He believes in what’s good for himself and the community.

Our friend Margaret is normal and well-adjusted. I have no idea what her politics are. Pat tells me that he doesn’t think anyone in our circle of friends fits the description of far right or far left.

Maybe we’re far normal.

I'm like Forrest Gump. I’m very slow. I don’t understand any of this. Maybe that’s why when I was watching the Republican National Convention on TV the other night, I felt like I was watching Monday Night Raw or Friday Night Smackdown.

I mean they even had Hulk Hogan there ripping his shirt off and sporting a Trump-Vance Tank top and showing off his 24-inch pythons.

They had Dana White president and CEO of the UFC making the ring introductions. They had Linda McMahon, Vince McMahon's ex-wife, a former WWE executive, on the big stage telling us all about how great Donald Trump is.

They had Kid Rock rapping and Melania rolling her eyes at him.

What has Kid Rock ever accomplished that I never have. Okay he can rap. He's made millions of dollars. He can sing. He's an American icon. Oh yeah, and he dated Pamela Anderson. Guess I better rethink that whole Kid Rock thing.

Watching the convention, I did learn from Donald Trump that people who really know Kid Rock call him by his real name "Bob."

I learned that Donald Trump likes the Lee Greenwood song "God Bless The USA." I mean who doesn't.

I thought the Republican Convention was weirder than anything than any of the things all the freaks at Woodstock ever did back in the summer of 69. But what do I know.I never dated Pamela Anderson. Never made millions.

And on top of it all, I have male balding pattern. If the Republican National Convention was like a geeked out freak show on shrooms, what is the Democratic National Convention going to be like. Will that be like a bad acid trip from the Mars Hotel?

Is Dwayne Johnson "The Rock" going to be there?

Will we get to smell what the Rock’s got cooking. Will Joe Biden and Mitch McConnell have a stare off into deep space to see who can lose their train of thought the longest?

Will Ice Cube be the guest rapper? Will NWA reunite?

Will Snoop Dog fire up some weed while emceeing a new game show on inflation called "The Price Is Wrong."

“A pack of bologna cost $5.98. What did it cost before COVID? I have $500 to the first contestant who comes up with the correct answer.”

The American political scene is so sophisticated.

All of this in the immortal words of the great political scientist Ethel Merman leads me to the following conclusion.

 There's no business like show business

Like no business I know

Everything about it is appealing.

Everything that traffic will allow

Nowhere could you get that happy feeling

When you are stealing that happy bow.

        Ethel Merman sang that song. She made it famous. Irving Berlin wrote it. I didn’t know Ethel and Irving were so in tune with American politics.

C'mon everybody let's go on with the show. The Democratic National Convention starts August 19th.