Trump Commemorative Ear Patch

We have special offer today for readers of alsagas.com. You won't see this offer on QVC or the More Useless Junk Home Shopping Network. But you will see it here.

It's an exclusive offer for readers of alsagas.com.

The great artist Vincent van Gogh cut off his ear and mailed it to his girlfriend. No we don't have van Gogh's ear to share with you today. Boxer Mike Tyson bit off a nice chunk of Evander Holyfield's ear. Lots of cartilage. No we don't have the missing piece from Holyfield's ear. We don't have Beethoven's ear. The one that went deaf after writing all that great music.

What we have is the Trump Commemorative Ear Patch. For only $49.95, you can have a commemorative ear patch.

Erik Fentanyl in Santa Barbara, California is taking two. So is Scott Balls in Hancock, New York. So we have takers on both the right and the left coast. Mr. Balls tells me for someone who is Ultra MAGA, one ear patch is not enough. So please buy two. Mr. Balls would know. He was a big porn star in the 80s.

And if you're getting two, you may as well get four. And while you're at it take a chill pill. Everybody in the United States needs to chill out right now. People are getting too worked up on the right and the left about the race for president. I've seen better races on at the dog track. So chill out. I don't want to see you burst a blood vessel or stroke out.

Get more fiber in your diet. You'll be less angry. And if you can't get enough fiber, at least eat a bran muffin. Mmmm... bran...yummy.

As the great writer Sherm Frederick of Scottsdale, Arizona reminds us all, this is nothing to lose a friendship over. Trump and Biden don't even know who you are. So don't lose a friendship over this crap. And believe me it's crap. Actually it's comedy. Like Sherm says. Remember to laugh a little, avoid soreheads and always question authority. And Be Properly Subversive. Sherm says that too.

My prediction here is Trump wins by a mudslide in November.

God bless America.

And most of all God bless you. I thought I heard you sneeze.