Someone's Drawn Graffiti On My Head

Right now, I’m sitting in a kids-size blue plastic chair in the 800 Hall right across from the Boys and Girls bathroom.

          Just so you know I have bad sleep apnea. So if I fall asleep, I can wake the dead.

          My snoring is so bad that I sometimes bring my CPAP machine to work. CPAP is an acronym for continuous positive air pressure. The machine keeps your airways open while you sleep so you get the oxygen you need.

          When I can’t keep my eyes open anymore, I go into the storage closet for a 15-minute snooze. I plug my machine in the outlet and set the alarm on my phone for 15 minutes.

          This worked well for me until the principal, Mr. Ryatt, caught on to what I was doing.

          “Mr. George it’s been reported you’ve been bringing your CPAP machine to work. One of the custodians found you asleep in a storage closet. I can't have my hall monitors sleeping on the job.”

          “My bad Mr. Ryatt. I know I’m not supposed to sleep on the job sir. At least my snoring didn’t disturb class.”

          “I think we’re done here Mr. George. Happens again I’m going to have to let you go.”

          “Yes sir. I understand.”

But after pulling another double shift at the casino, I can’t keep my eyes open. Working two jobs, security at the casino and then a full shift here at school is rough. My eyes are shutting fast. I’ll just close them for a moment. Just a minute or two. Then I’ll be good. I don’t have my CPAP machine, but I’ll be good. Just need to close my eyes for a few minutes. Do a restful visualization. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. There I go. Starting to drift off.

          I’m on Patong Beach in Phuket. I’m with a beautiful 24-year-old woman. She tells me her name is Praew. This is my first time in Thailand.

          Praew has these delicate butterfly tattoos on her left leg. They’re done in light blue ink. They flutter up her body. I inhale the Issey Miyake perfume on her neck.

          I feel scratching on my head as Praew rubs her fingers on the top of my bald head. Life doesn’t get any better than this. Life at its most enjoyable. Laying on a beach with a beautiful woman. I hope this dream never ends. It seems so real.

          There’s a little more scratching on my head. I can feel Praew playing with my ears. She gently massages the lobes. Her fingers running gently up and down. My eyeballs are moving rapidly now as I go further into the fantasy.

          I feel a hand slap the back of my head. The blow is hard and forceful. It’s so hard, it probably will leave a mark. Why did Praew hit me. What did I do. I thought she liked me.

          My eyes open. I’m back in the hall at school across from the Boys and Girls bathrooms. I’m sitting in the same blue chair. A kid I recognize is standing over me. It’s Erik Kiljoy. He has a black Magic Marker in his hand. On the other side of the chair, I see a girl I recognize. Luna Hernandez-Hernandez.

She has her phone out. She holds it over the top of my bald head. I’m confused. She’s looking through the viewfinder on her iPhone in the pink Hello Kitty case.

          I jump out of my chair. Erik and Luna are laughing. I know the joke’s on me. I run my right hand over the top of my head. They are laughing harder now. I don’t feel anything unusual.

          “What’s so funny,” I ask them.

          They laugh some more. Erik and Luna run down the hall. They’re making a quick getaway.

          I go into the Boys restroom and look in the mirror. There’s a dick drawn on the top of my head. It’s big and nasty with huge balls. Like an X-rated cave drawing.

          That’s what I get for sleeping on the job. I’m such an idiot.

          I grab some brown paper towels from the paper towel dispenser next to the garbage can. I head to the sink and wet the towels. I squirt some pink liquid from the soap dispenser in my hands.

          I’m scrubbing my head when Jorge Fredo walks in.

          I ignore him.

          “Mr. George why you rubbing and washing the top yo head.”

          I ignore him again.

          “Someone draw a dick on top yo head.”

          I try to ignore him some more, only to hear him answer his own question.

          “Yeah someone drew a dick on yo head. They said they was going to.”

          “Great,” is all I can manage to say in a voice filled with resignation.

          I scrub and rub real hard. The drawing is down to a black smudge. I rub and scrub some more until I get the drawing completely off. The top of my head is back to being nice and pink, even though it feels like I took a layer of skin off to do it.

          Look at the bright side. At least I didn’t have to use Goof Off pro strength remover.

Before the day is over that video will be all over Instagram and TikTok. I just know it. There are some things you never live down.

Hope Mr. Ryatt doesn’t find out.