Mr.Al's Blog

Oh no! Fashion designer Bob Mackie is dead. Who is going to make my gown for the Oscars this year? I’ll never find another designer as good as Bob. His sense of style helped turn Cher and Diana Ross and many others into divas. I always wanted to be a diva. But I didn’t have the chromosome for it. When I was in middle school, Bob made me an outfit that looked like a shower curtain. In high school he made me an outfit that looked like a psylocibin mushro

I recently went trout fishing near the outflow site of the wastewater treatment plant at Lake Mead. The problem was, the only thing I caught that day were turds. Have you ever tried pulling a fish hook out of a turd without gloves? Like politics, it’s absolutely disgusting. There were Republican turds. Democratic turds, Socialist turds. MAGA turds, Libertarian turds. Independent turds. With all these turds in the water, no wonder I didn’t catch a single fish. The reaso

I’ve been everywhere man, even Chinatown. And I can’t find any place that sells bird’s nest soup. A Delicious Bowl Of Bird's Nest Soup The last time I had a good bowl of bird’s nest soup was during the Ming Dynasty. That was the time the emperor had me over for dinner. He had his servants go out in search of cave-dwelling swiftlet birds. I had no idea that birds spit. I thought only hookers did that. The swiftlets use their spit to build their nests. N

It’s been hotter this summer in Las Vegas than it is on Crematoria, where I was born. Crematoria is that planet Vin Diesel ends up in the movie, “The Chronicles Of Riddick.” Believe me it’s a real place. In the movie, Riddick wears these funny-looking swimming goggles even though there is hardly any high-quality H2O anywhere. Kind of like the Mohave Desert, come to think of it. The only thing even remotely resembling water on Crematoria are the sweaty bodies of the people

The most overhyped candy of the year has to be Dubai chocolate. When Paul Ponytail, manager at the Circle K convenience store I go to, told Mr. Al don’t waste your money on a Dubai chocolate bar… get a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup instead, it was sound advice. But the whole Dubai chocolate phenomenon continued to haunt me. A drug dealer, who was trying to get me hooked on the stuff, gave me a little taste. He figured once I got hooked, I’d be buying the